Merry Widow

"It's not as if you look old, Mags " I told myself, as I pushed my way through the mêlée of skinny girls in Top Shop, all glaring balefully from under the mascara coated lashes. The noise was deafening. "The kind of music that tells you the trousers won't fit," Sarah always says. Well, my daughter is old before her time, shopping at Marks and Spencer for cardigans, would you believe, and boring dark suits to make her bum look smaller.

One of those new dresses would be nice - swirling just above the knee and in lovely bright colours. I had a wardrobe full of vests and shorts for the beach, but a dress - several dresses - would be just right for hitting the bars and discos in the evening.

This holiday was going to be the best ever, because it was never going to end. Bye, bye dreary old England. The scarves and raincoats could go to Oxfam. This time, I was flying to the sun and never coming back.

Sarah had been boring about it, of course. She had even been to a solicitor. Of course, he'd just laughed at her. Dave had left everything to "My dear wife, Margaret, absolutely".

If I make a will, I thought, "I will show that kind of commitment". "To my dear husband, Alejandro - everything, absolutely. If we haven't spent it all, of course," I giggled to myself. Sarah is just like Dave, cautious. He was always coming out with lines like "What have you done with your hair?" and "A bit young, isn't it?" He'd have been happier married to his granny.

Alejandro was so different. For a start, he was thirty years younger than me. He had a full head of lovely dark hair and beautiful teeth. I felt liberated, like a butterfly emerging from - what do you call it - a chrysalis. Dave was a decent man but he was an old fifty, if you know what I mean, even when you take into account the cancer making him even older, whereas I am a young fifty. O.K. Fifty- three. People take me for Sarah's sister.

Sarah encouraged me at first. "Go and have a bit of fun, Mum. You deserve it. Have a holiday with the girls from work." But she did not expect me to come home hopelessly, wonderfully in love.

The mobile, which I had bought "just for emergencies, in case the car breaks down," leapt into life as the bearer of text messages. E-mails were no longer exhortations from banks to check out the latest bond rate - they were as cheeky, sexy and passionate as only rather wonky English could convey. And I started learning Spanish! I was useless at languages at school, but now I really wanted to learn. The pillow talk would be bi-lingual from now on.

Anyway, to return to the serious business - I bought two dresses, one green, with frills and polka dots and the other red with flowers and a really low neckline. I don't sag like some women my age and if you've got it, flaunt it, I always say.

The flight out was the pits - late and full of pensioners moaning about the cost of living. Some of the men were giving me the eye but it was “Sorry fellas, I'm spoken for.” We finally landed three hours overdue and I queued with this boring crowd as we went through passport control and collected our luggage. I felt like an old hand - practically a resident already. I would fall into Alejandro's arms under the disapproving glare of the Saga brigade.

Except that he wasn't there.

I pinned on a smile, bought myself a coffee and one of those horrible dry rolls and sent a text "Dónde?" Actually, Alejandro has a cafe. Sarah called him a Spanish waiter but it is his own business - or strictly speaking, his uncle's. Alejandro was going to inherit it one day because his cousins weren't interested. We met when I went in for a paella with Dawn and Lisa after a lively evening at the disco. We'd had a few drinks and were larking about, but he only had eyes for me after Dawn's introduction, "Mags is a merry widow and she's loaded."

He obviously had a caring nature because he ignored the other diners, sat down beside me and asked all sorts of questions about my husband and when he died and did we have any children? He brought out a photo of this lovely house with a pool and said "You like?" Then he said "Your house?" I said "No pool - too cold. Big house - four bedrooms." And he said -"You sell your house, come live here with me." So you could say it was love at first sight, or estate agency at first sight, anyway.

There was no reply to my text. I was beginning to get a panicky feeling in my chest, when, suddenly, Alejandro was beside me. He gave me a brief peck on the cheek – not quite the passionate embrace I had expected, but then, there were a lot of people around.

“I had to go away.” he said. “Now I take you to your hotel.”

“I thought we were going to your house?” I had been dreaming about the house with the pool.”

“Not possible this week. You go to a nice hotel and we have dinner. Everything is – sorted”

I laughed with relief. “Sorted” was a word I’d taught him. He’d remembered. It was one of our little jokes.

The hotel was not as nice as all that. The Saga crowd had checked in and were haranguing the staff about shortcomings in their rooms. Alejandro named a cafe where we would have dinner – late, of course, but I knew I had to get used to that in Spain. I was glad I had eaten that roll at the airport.

I wandered down to the beach, enjoying the warmth and sunshine. This was better than Sutton Coldfield. It seemed quiet without the girls. I had been avoiding being alone since Dave died. “Keep busy, keep active, have people around you,” I had tried to do all these things – much better than sitting around thinking. No-one likes to see a miserable face.

An elderly lady came to stand beside me. “Are you on your own?” she asked. “Do you mind if I join you?” Surely she could see that I was out of her league? Not one of the polyester blouse and elasticated waist brigade. She must have been sixty, at least.

“I’m waiting for a friend.”

“So sorry, dear. You looked – lonely, somehow. There is a nice little group of us at the hotel. We call ourselves “The Merry Widows”. We always go on holiday together and have such a nice time. I thought you might like to join us. I hope you and your friend have a lovely holiday,” she trotted off happily, duty done.

I knew better than to order paella at the restaurant, though it smelled wonderful. The people on the next table had it because that was the only Spanish dish they had heard of. I chose the calamares – Alejandro’s favourite –and tried to ignore the feeling that I was chewing bicycle tyres. I would have to get a Spanish cook book and learn how to make all these things.

“We have a friend joining us later.”

I was not sure that I wanted a third party, but Alejandro’s friends were going to be my friends. It would be good to be part of a lively young crowd. I was glad I was wearing the new red dress.

“Mags........I need to say something. We have to change our plans.”

“About the wedding, you mean? Well, my daughter was being a pain – no, you don’t understand. She didn’t agree with me.” I waited for the laughter as Alejandro added “being a pain” to “sorted” in his English vocabulary. It didn’t come. “But there’s no problem. Dave left everything to me to do as I like with.”

He frowned. I spoke slowly “I can.... spend money.....if I want to buy something.”

“Yes, I understand. Mags – I don’t want your money. This afternoon I was at the hospital. My father is dying.”

You get on a plane to fly away from death and it is there to greet you when you land. I put my hand on his arm.

“I’m so sorry. But why should it change anything between us?”

“Mags – when we first met I thought some really bad things. I thought here is a silly rich old woman who wants to spend her money on me. Why should I stop her? I am only a waiter. I could marry her and take her money, then divorce and marry a pretty girl.”

Surely I was not hearing this. “Old?” he had always said how young I looked.

“Then I met your daughter. Sarah came here – a beautiful girl. She told me everything and I thought “Suppose when my father dies, my mother goes to another country and gets drunk and meets some young man. How will I feel then?

I felt like a child who has been caught out doing something silly. It was the way Dave used to talk. No, don’t cry, Mags. "Our guest has arrived. Here is your daughter.”

Sarah approached slowly, unsure of her welcome. She was dressed in linen trousers and a loose white shirt and looked – glowing, actually. Alejandro beamed as he pulled out a chair for her.

“Hello Mum.”

I glared at her. How dare she interfere and wreck my life?

“Don’t be cross, Mum. Please listen. I want you to be happy, really I do, but I didn’t want you to make an awful mistake. I still miss Dad every day – he was so kind and sensible. I miss you too.

You were always cheerful and lively, but you weren’t selfish or a fool. I don’t want your money. That’s for you to enjoy. Then you can leave it to a cats’ home if you like. But when I saw the “For Sale” board outside your house - the house where I was born - and knew you were gambling it on a holiday romance, I just felt sick. Move if you like – to Spain or anywhere - but don’t end up homeless.”

“You’re joyless – do you know that? You don’t know anything about having fun. You’re just like your Dad – another boring accountant”

Sarah laughed. “Maybe so. I’m Head of Finance, now. Did I tell you?” she glanced down. “That’s why Matt and I thought it would be a good time for me to take maternity leave.”

I felt like screaming. Was there no end to today’s humiliations? I was not ready to be a grandmother. “Oh, wonderful. Why don’t you knock me over and kick me while I'm down? Well, it’s not calling me “Granny”,"

“Whatever you like,” she said serenely. “Mags” would be quite easy for a toddler to say. Would that do?”

“And I’m not babysitting.”

“No need – we’ll hire a nanny when I go back to work.”

Alejandro looked puzzled. “You don’t like babies, Mags? This is wonderful news!”

“Men – they never understand!”

At a table outside, on the moonlit terrace, the Merry Widows were knocking back drinks and cackling with laughter. I only had to go out and say, “Guess what, girls - I’m going to be a grandma!” for the baby photos to come out of those voluminous handbags and a place at the table to be offered.

I turned and shook Alejandro’s hand. “I hope you find a lovely girl and have a nice family. I’ve just remembered I promised to meet some friends. Bye for now Sarah – I’ll be in touch. I'm pleased about the baby, really I am.” Then I walked out into the moonlight.

- THE END -