You're Wrong And I'm Right

Susi looked pretty pissed as she emerged from the ladies after changing into the regulation black silk blouse that all the girls behind the bar wore, hating it.

The bar area was crowded, with music on the sound system drowning out speech and guys constantly hustling. She spotted Rudi maneuvering through the crowd with his tray and grabbed his arm, shouting into his ear, her breath hot on his cheek.

“I’m not coming home with you….” He peered at her, not catching her drift. She leaned closer. “Cindy quit, and Wendy’s gone home sick. I’m working a double shift. Tell Andre I’ll catch up with him later…..”

“I don’t mind waiting…” He said, but his words were drowned out.

She moved away to serve a customer and didn’t stop again until she got a break around Midnight. He found her sitting out back smoking a cigarette, and greeted her brightly, but the heat and noise in the bar seemed to have drained her of spark.

“I spoke to Andre; he said come round whatever time you get off….”

“He just wants a fuck…. I’m too tired for that,” she sighed.

She sounded exhausted and he waited to see if she would talk. From time to time the door into the bar opened as light flooded out; in the distance the low level hum of an engineering plant was the only sound to disturb their calm.

He broke the silence reluctantly.

“What’ll you do?”

“I don’t know…..”

She stubbed out the cigarette and stared off into space, ignoring him. He watched her, wanting her, always wanting her. He was appalled at Andre’s treatment of her and tried to compensate by being nice, being available, but he could never tell her the way he felt. She stood up, and stretched slowly allowing her breasts to stand out through the silk blouse as she half turned towards him; he pulled her down beside him.

“Rudi what are you doing….?”

He kissed her lips, tasting cherry lip-gloss and stale cigarette breath. She pulled away and slapped him. He put up a hand where it stung.

“Don’t be a prick Rudi….”

She stalked away and he felt foolish.

During the night he woke to hear Andre and Susi having sex in the next room, dragging a pillow over his head to obscure the sound. Whatever he tried he could not get back to sleep, something had clicked ‘on’ in his head, as he began to recollect the misfortunes in his life. There weren’t many, but for some reason they were all connected with women. Tonight had been a prime example; he had probably screwed up his friendship with Susi permanently. She would stop trusting him for sure. Without Andre around he never seemed to get even close to a girl. What was it Andre said, ‘stop treating them like ladies, treat them rough and make your intentions clear’. He had tried that last night – what a fool he was!

He got up to wash his face, and searched out a drink in the kitchen, holding the glass in both hands as he pondered quietly. He didn’t hear Susi come in, remaining in the doorway for a while watching, before he turned his head. She fixed herself a bowl of cereal, and perched onto a stool. This time he didn’t want to speak, and felt little anxiety at being in her presence. How much punishment could she dish out?

“Why did you kiss me…?” she asked curiously.

“I wanted to….”

He didn’t embellish, and they sat in silence for a long time without looking at one another.

“Do you like me Rudi? Is that it?”

He nodded.

“I can’t handle this….”

She put down the bowl, and regarded him harshly. “I know Andre is a bastard, but…..” She shrugged. “But you…. Rudi I like you, but nothing more…. I don’t feel….” She fell silent. “Don’t do it again.”

He smiled faintly as he caught her gaze. She looked tired, her expression dazed, and her eyes…. Her eyes were her best feature usually, now they were half closed and tinged with red. He wanted to kiss her again, and smiled as he put out a hand to touch hers, the warmth thrilled him and he felt a little devil creep into his loins.

“I can’t promise you anything like that Susi.”

He tried to inject warmth into his voice, but she heard sleaze and pulled away sharply.

“I’m going back to bed….”

Next day, Andre remained moody with him, and wouldn’t talk. It was only as they sat in the cafeteria during lunch that he opened up.

“You say something to Susi last night?”

“Why, what did she say?”

“Nothing much…”

“Well she was probably tired, she wouldn’t have finished her shift until after three.”

There he was, being considerate again. Andre remained unimpressed.

“I know that, but I got the cold treatment this morning, and when I ask - she say’s ‘blame Rudi’. What did she mean?”

“I don’t know….” he bluffed. “Maybe I was trying to be like you, you know – treat them rough, all that stuff.”

Andre fell silent as his gaze turned in the direction of Caroline, who was sitting with a group of other girls across the dining room.

“I gotta have that girl…..”

Rudi followed his gaze towards a slim girl with long chestnut hair. He thought she was okay, but Susi was far superior. Sometimes he despised his friend for the lack of appreciation he displayed.

“Go talk to her then….”

Andre turned back with a cheap grin on his face. “You know I can’t….”

“Why can’t you….?”

He wanted to say more but held back as Susi appeared, slumping into a chair at their table. She had missed all the morning lectures.

“I gotta get a better life……, or some sleep,” she murmured, and put her head down onto her arms.

“Guess what Babe?” Andre demanded, shaking her shoulder. “Rudi’s got the hot’s for a girl.”

Both threw a sharp glance towards him.

“That isn’t true…” Rudi began.

“Caroline,” Andre pronounced the name with a stupid grin covering his face.

“Caroline….? What are you talking about?” Rudi demanded coldly.

“That’s nice….” Susi mumbled, putting her head down again. She peered up at Rudi from out of tumbled hair, and pushed it back from her face. “I’m sure you’re right for one another.” She glanced across the room. “Have you spoken to her?”

“No, that is… No!”

He glared at Andre, wanting to murder him. Andre was grinning from ear to ear, well pleased with himself.

“He is going to talk to her soon…, aren’t you dumb-ass?”

Rudi grimaced.

“Would you like me to speak to her for you?” asked Susi, sensing the uncertainty. “Sort of smooth the waters, prepare the way…..”

“Yeah, babe yeah! Good idea!” interjected Andre before Rudi could object. He hauled her roughly to her feet. “No time like the present….”

She stood awkwardly, pushing back her hair, staring at him suspiciously.

“You’re pretty keen on this Andre? What’s the scam?”

“No scam…. I’m a good friend, doing my good friend bit. She’s unattached, so I’ve heard.”

Susi grimaced and was about to make a remark when she changed her mind and started across the room. Halfway, she turned and walked back.

“You do want a date, Rudi?”

“Whatever….”

“Of course he wants a date,” Andre hissed.

She glared at him. “Sometimes Andre I could just…..”

She turned on her heel and strode across to the table Caroline was sitting at. Both watched wordlessly as she sprawled into a chair beside the other girl.

Rudi grabbed Andre’s arm angrily. “What are you playing at?”

Andre peered into his friend’s eyes with a crazy grin swimming across his face.

“Don’t you see…it’s great? It came to me in a flash. It’s the perfect cover.”

“What is…?”

“This. You date Caroline, Susi suspects nothing and I move in on her in my own sweet time.”

“That’s your plan?!”

“Sure….”

“And what if Caroline won’t play ball….. Maybe she doesn’t want to date me….. Maybe she doesn’t want to date you behind Susi’s back…. Maybe she’s a nice girl?”

“Yeah, and maybe Santa Claus is gonna bring me a Mercedes convertible this year… We gotta go slow, build up to it. You gotta keep her sweet, which means don’t screw up…..”

Rudi sighed. Susi was back before he could say more, and drank down the remainder of Andre’s coffee at a gulp.

“That girl is hard work,” she said, glancing over her shoulder as she spoke and then smiled at Rudi. “It’s no dice, she’s got a guy already….”

“Where?” Andre demanded impatiently.

“Back home, some hick place. She’s promised to be loyal…. Kinda interesting eh? You guys probably don’t understand a concept like that.”

“No. I understand.” It was Andre again, speaking out of turn.

She stared at him curiously and then turned back to Rudi. “You aren’t saying much….”

“What is there to say?”

He leaned back in the chair, acting disinterested as she put her head down onto her arms and closed her eyes, job done.

“What did you say to her?” Andre persisted.

“I told her Rudi was interested in her, but he was shy. Did she want to talk to him?”

“What, you just came out and said that?”

She raised her head to reply tersely. “No, I dressed it up a little…but she don’t get a lot of free time… working at a pizza place cross town. You’d know if you tried it yourself!”

Andre appeared pissed by the answer, but she couldn’t see it with her head slumped onto the table. Rudi was meanwhile making urgent faces at Andre. Faces that said ‘drop it, let it go.’

“I know, I know….” Andre suddenly exclaimed, ignoring him. “A foursome, we can go out on a foursome….”

Susi raised her head doubtfully.

“She’s not my type; I don’t want to spend time with her.”

“Not for us babe, it’s for Rudi,” he gleamed, and Rudi wanted to slug him. He had half a mind to tell Susi everything there and then.

Susi peered across the room. “Go tell her then, I’m done being a Good Samaritan. She’s on her own.”

Rudi glanced in her direction. She was indeed on her own, reading a book as she ate an apple. Andre kicked his leg much too hard.

“Go on then, I guess it’s up to you.”

Rudi wanted to punch his lights out, but instead got to his feet. Susi was staring up at him quizzically.

“Go on tiger…., I know you can do it.”

He grinned back at her, and ambled over to Caroline. “Am I disturbing you?”

He had never spoken to her before, even in class. She was a cool and distant figure, very bright, very forthright in her views. She engaged with the tutors, and was respected by them (he thought) for her opinions. Peering into her light hazel eyes he was momentarily frozen.

“You’re Rudi, right?”

“I guess so.”

He sounded dumb even by his low standards. She was smiling at him with a twinkle in her eye, was it pity or just amusement?

“Susi said you had something to say?”

“I do? I do. Yes, and I know she told you I was interested….”

She smiled. “Relax, I already told her I’ve got a boyfriend at home.”

“Yeah, but you’re not at home….”

“I’m committed though. We agreed not to have other partners while we were away from one another…..”

“Even as friends?”

She grimaced. “I won’t betray my principles, but I suppose friends are fine…”

“Good…”

He smiled, and she returned his grin. He found Susi beside him, with Andre standing closely behind. “We wondered if you’d consider a foursome, you know not a date or anything heavy….. Just bowling, or a beer….”

“Maybe….. I don’t know….”

She was swaying. Even Rudi could feel it; he picked up the book she had been reading.

“Lawrence. I read The Rainbow, but found it was a pair with Women in Love. Have you read either?”

“No, I’ve only just started this one. You seem to know more than you let on in class.”

“He’s shy. Aren’t you Rudi?” It was Susi speaking, sounding very much like his mother.

“He’s not shy….” Andre commented archly. “He just gives that impression to entice women into his spider’s web.”

Caroline smiled. “I’d better be prepared then.”

Rudi looked at them all one by one, but they seemed to be waiting for him to speak. He turned his attention back to Caroline.

“Will you come then?”

“Okay, but you’ll have to wait until I get a night off.”

***

“She’s a nice girl Rudi, don’t screw it up. Be positive with her, be honest. Tell her if you like her, don’t sit on your hands.”

He heard what Susi had to say, but knew what Andre was planning and felt anger welling inside him as he met the coy grin on his friend’s face. When Susi went to the bathroom, he pounced on him.

“You can’t do it. I won’t allow you.”

“Oh dry up Man… this is gonna be such a great opportunity, kinda like you know that French novel…. ‘Les Liaisons Dangereus’.”

“You cannot be serious….”

“Yes, and why wouldn’t I be. It’s pretty much a seduction ploy… except you’re gonna help me.”

“I am not!”

“Oh stop moaning. She’s ripe for it, you heard her – she promised her boyfriend ‘no other partners’ now how tempting is that!”

Rudi stared at his friend in disbelief. “Andre, I don’t want any part of this…. I’m beginning to wish you hadn’t involved me.”

“Grow up Rudi, listen I’ll make a deal with you – if you get the chance then you fuck her first, now how generous is that?”

“You’re a real……”

He let it go, beginning to think if Caroline called he would blow her off, but it was Susi who spoke to her first as they arranged to meet up for bowling.

During a break in the evening, he sat with Susi out back of the wine bar as she smoked. Things were beginning to play on his mind again, and he felt troubled. He watched her for a while, knowing that she rarely wanted to speak after dealing with guys on the make most of the evening.

“What would you do if Andre cheated on you?” he asked in all innocence.

“You mean, what will I do when I catch Andre cheating?”

He paused, registering the tone in her voice before continuing.

“Do you believe that he will then?”

She smiled. “I know it…. You know it too!”

“And?”

“I guess it depends… I’m not really in love with Andre, he’s far too self obsessed for that. One day soon, I may cheat on Andre. Does that surprise you?”

She stared at him fiercely. He paused before replying.

“No. I’m only sorry…”

She cut across him before he could say more. “No, don’t say it Rudi. Don’t start that again. You and I, we’re not….. We’re just not! So quit it.”

He stared at her, shocked by the violent outburst, but she seemed past further explanation. If she was so certain that Andre would betray her, maybe he should just let them get on with it, and mop up anything on offer afterwards. But he liked Susi. More than liked her – adored her. Was it wrong to like her so much, even if she was his friend’s girl? It see-sawed through his mind, until he could not think straight anymore.

Bumping into Caroline, as she worked in the library, she told Rudi she had spoken with the boyfriend at home and agreed it was all right to go with other partners while they were separated.

It sounded promising. He leaned towards her confidently.

“Caroline, have you ever read any French literature?”

“Some. Madame Bovary, Baudelaire….. Why?”

“I think you should. I’m not the expert though, when you next see Andre, ask him – there’s one particular text he favours.”

She smiled, clearly not understanding the meaning. “You’re more knowledgeable than you let on Rudi, I don’t get that impression with your friend Andre, although he always seems to want to impress.” Her eyes flickered as she spoke. “Are he and Susi a permanent fixture? She seems to let him run on a pretty long lead. Some of the other girls…..” She checked the gossip she was about to let slip, and he saw again the slightly mocking hazel eyes flicker, wondering what juicy item she was concealing. Instead he began to wonder if she might learn to like him. Girls rarely seemed to want to stay around him, but that was usually because he was always in company with Andre. Today was different as he seized the opportunity. “We don’t have to go out with those two?”

The suggestion was impulsive. He knew what Andre would say, but didn’t care.

“Okay.”

He was caught by surprise, and sat with an open mouth.

“I said, okay.”

He took her hand. “Come on then….”

“What now? Where?”

“This way.”

***

He took her into town where they watched an afternoon matinee at the multiplex, eating popcorn like a couple of kids. Afterwards sitting on a bench outside the shopping mall until it grew dark, staring up at the stars and talking about themselves in an interesting and revealing way.

Susi saw the change in him at once, joking that he must have fallen in love. He stared at her in disbelief, hearing only cruelty in her remark, wanting to hit back but could think of only a heartless comment to make at that moment.

“Susi, I know you’re gonna be disappointed, but I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.”

She smiled, misunderstanding the intent, and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. He was astonished to feel the softness of her touch.

“It’s a good thing Rudi, you and I being together all the time. It’s too tempting…”

He stared at her in confusion. What on earth did she mean?

She broke into a huge grin, bursting his bubble.

“I’m just being mean… If you’re in love, I’m glad. One of us deserves some happiness.”

“I’m not in love. Don’t take the piss.”

He held his nose, and pulled an imaginary chain to flush away the contention. She persisted though, like a dog with a bone.

“Have you told her how you feel?”

“I don’t feel anything… besides I’d scare her away.”

She grinned, winning this admission as she turned aside.

“Just go easy when you see her again. You’ll know what to do….”

“Will I…?”

“Yes. Come here.”

She placed hands about his waist to pull him closer, staring into his eyes. The look was penetrating, devastating. He was hard in his pants, and felt both excited and uncomfortable in equal measure.

“Rudi, I want you to know how much you mean to me. Before you, I didn’t know it was possible to feel this way. When I hold you like this, I don’t want to let go.” She slackened her grip.

“Then you kiss her…..”

He leaned close and kissed her on the lips. She didn’t expect it, but he wanted to do it even if it was going to cause him pain in the short term.

She didn’t resist, turning her head away as they parted.

“Is that alright?” he asked in trepidation.

“Don’t spare the passion,” she mocked.

Her voice was cold and he felt a shiver send icicles along his spine.

“I need a cigarette….”

She was out the door before he could say anything.

Andre was pissed they had gone out together, even though it was to such a safe location. He was better pleased to hear that she could now have ‘other partners’.

“She’s gonna receive another partner in places they didn’t show her in that hick town she’s from.”

He sniggered. Rudi turned on him sharply. “She’s not that kind of girl.”

“Oh, so now you’re an expert. What do you think ‘nice’ girls do that other girls don’t. I’ll tell you, shall I – absolutely everything! So don’t start acting like I’m proposing anything different to what you’d like to do!”

“I wouldn’t betray my girlfriend in the process.”

“Here we go again – what’s with all this morality shit, listen man – it’s just a fuck! I told you, if you want her then have her too. I’m not fussy about these things….”

Rudi stared at his back angrily, reliving events from the night before. He was still confused by his feelings for both girls and fumed as he tried to work out who it was he was supposed to be rooting for.

“I think Susi may suspect something….”

Andre turned on him sharply, grabbing an arm. “You say something to her?”

“No. It was just something she said, when we were together…..”

“What? What did she say?”

He paused, trying to phrase it in the way she had used.

“She knows you’ll betray her.”

“What do you mean – she knows?”

“I’m just telling you, don’t take it out on me. You’re a shit Andre, why is it so surprising?!”

He stared away sullenly.

“I don’t want to lose her Rudi….”

“Well, don’t fuck around then.”

He was angry, both with Andre and especially himself for the way he felt.

“I can’t help it. I want the other one too.”

“You don’t want Caroline – you want to fuck her, then what? You’re gonna dump her!”

“Is that so bad….? I’m not just gonna dump her – Christ, I expect a little more than that!”

“Such as…..?”

“Whatever… I’m not planning this thing exactly. I’ve got to think about Susi too.”

He gleamed as Rudi clenched fists menacingly

“Andre I could kill you. You’ve got a really great girlfriend and you want to screw around.”

“Of course I do! Haven’t you learned anything in the time we’ve been together?”

Rudi remained obstinately silent, as Andre continued.

“Is this about Caroline? You do have the hot’s for her, don’t you? Or is it something else, are you trying to protect Susi?”

Rudi exploded in frustration and anger.

“Don’t be a prick Andre…., why can’t you just be happy as you are? Caroline and I could pair up, we could be…..”

“Caroline and I – listen to you. This isn’t the game we’re playing. Fuck her, do whatever you want - if you can, but then leave her to me!”

Andre placed hands onto Rudi’s shoulders staring into his face with an earnest expression. “What is this….? You care, don’t you? You really do!”

“Of course I care…. I care about them both.”

Andre broke his hold and sat down, a wide grin enveloping his face.

“I see it now…. you want a little scene of your own. That’s cool I can dig it. I’ll keep my distance, a couple of weeks, good enough?”

“Andre…. just fuck off!”

Andre grinned; an irritating knowing expression of utter contentment. Rudi stormed out of the room.

Caroline surprised Rudi that night, being in the bar with another guy. Eventually he took his tray over to where they were sitting, and began to collect glasses.

“Rudi, meet Jon…. He’s my boyfriend from home.”

Rudi held out a hand that was firmly grasped.

“Rudi… glad to know yer.”

Sportsman, Rudi thought. Muscles, six pack. He smiled, and then caught sight of Susi grinning at him under the bar lights. Returning to work he didn’t catch up with Susi until later, handing her a Pepsi as she smoked.

She remained deeply silent, and tonight he felt too stunned to talk himself.

“I think the bowling’s out….” she commented succinctly.

“Well I suppose I should have known.”

“You can’t blame yourself for something like that. She failed to spell out what her real feelings were, that’s all.”

“I feel like a fool though, I should have…..” He thought about Andre, and what he would say. What a fool he’d been. Everything Andre lived by…. how could he argue against him now. Turning back to Susi he found her staring.

“You’re really upset, aren’t you?”

“A little… I guess…”

“She did say, just friends. You know that’s all she meant. I suppose guys never know when a girl’s being sincere.”

“Like I’m an expert with women….”

She extended a hand.

“Don’t blame her…. You know, don’t just drop her. She won’t understand.”

He turned a puzzled expression on her. “What am I supposed to do then?”

“Talk to her if you need to…. I know guys rarely talk, but you could become great friends. You’ve got similar interests, the books, the course… those sorts of things.”

“Susi, I know you’re trying to help, but…”

He let go of her hand, but she grabbed it back.

“Rudi, you’re one of the good guys… I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Well, don’t look Susi. Don’t look….”

She stared at him with flickering eyes, allowing her head to fall against his shoulder. There was much about women he might never understand.

***

Susi came out of the bedroom smoking as she fixed a steely gaze on Andre who turned away in disgust. “Don’t be bitter Andre, we can still be friends.”

Rudi flinched at the mockery he thought he heard.

“I’m waiting Rudi, don’t be long…”

She went back into the bedroom and he half rose from the chair, glancing at Andre.

“Don’t think about it Rudi, just…….” Andre waved his hand dismissively, adding in a cold tone. “Remember though, we can never be friends again. Not after this…..”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t say that,” Andre yelled. “It was a high stakes game and you came out on top – that’s all.”

“It’s not like that at all.”

“Isn’t it?” Andre retorted, and Rudi saw enmity in his former friend’s eyes. “Well go on, don’t keep her waiting.”

Rudi remained uncertain. “I’m not like you Andre, and I didn’t steal your girl behind your back. It was never like that, but I do care for Susi – is that so wrong?”

Andre snorted. “I’ll give you both a couple of weeks to come to your senses and then she’ll dump you too.”

“Maybe – maybe you’re right – is it important to you Andre, to be right? If it is…..”

As he stood there a phrase kept repeating in his head. ‘You’re wrong and I’m right.’ It was an impossible position to be placed in, but for the time being he put away conscience and consideration, closing the bedroom door behind him as he went back to the woman he adored.

- THE END -